Wattapiecabodygal, Awheyugettifrom

Cayman based bloggionistas, please drop by my new office, I will show you.

I am here babysitting again, the wife has gone out on the town!

Oh well, she is more than entitled, she is more often than me the one stuck here babysitting.

Business is going well at my new office - I hope Afro and Mad Bull and my other Caymanian bloggionistas will touch down for a look - its still a work in progress.

I dont often watch Glenn Beck as he comes over as a bit hysterical to me, but he is on as I type about internet porn - I guess he is pretending he does not partake.

So, by comments, please let me know with candour, do you partake? One thing for sure, it may make a keyboard and mouse (even the screen) sticky, but as long as you stay put in front of your computer it is disease free sex, if you want to refer to it as sex.

I visited my previous employer today, Mad Bull take note. I had some business there, so it was nice to see the folks there.

Glad I got a post out, even if a brief one, hope your Christmas Season has started well. Hopefully tomorrow night I will go to karaoke and make up for tonight's deficit (joking, my boys are the best.)

Enjoy your weekend.

Still here

Still here, not doing too much blogging, but I have been reading yours.

Usual boring Dad stuff - kids parties, - and yes - I am opening my new office shortly, having worked from home for the past year.

I was driving down Huldah Avenue on Thursday, rushing to the Land registry as usual, when I saw this handwritten sign marked "office space for rent" and I saw the phone number. By the time I got to Jacques Scott (just around the corner) I was talking to the landlord - and I went to see the place shortly after that.

I was none too enthused - it was 2 tiny rooms with separating walls that did not reach all the way to the ceiling - so it was not like a dude could tap suppn in one room without the other dude in the other room listenin.

Anyhow, the room is not for that kind of grinderation, its for my office, so I called my brother, my trusted construction/architecture confidant, and he told me I should take the place, so I did. I paid my deposit and signed my sub-lease today. I aint askin him to do no layout for it though, that will be too painful for me to bear - He told me he ga "spec" a desk for me - I tole him "Spec? I doan spec nuttin - I buy it". He so technical - as if I dont hear enuff pretence from lawyers. I jokin, he cool.

Holy shyte, what have I done now? Now I have to set up phone lines, get some furniture, move in my gear and get moving, hopefully before Christmas. There is a Canadian consulate, a recording studio, a musical instrument store and a cycle aerobics place in the same building. So, I do seem to have all sorts of neighbours.

Next week, its on to the desk, on to C&W to deal with the phone lines etc. Lawd, what the hell has gone on?

Folks, I will post a blog from there as soon as my phone line is in - it is the beginning of a new era - oh shit, sounds like Star Wars or suppn. (Or should I have said "this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius - that sounds more spaced out.)

Chinese Proverbs

CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok .

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.


Thanks Troy -

Aliddlebidadis Aliddlebidadat

Look at this Article in the Economist. British extremists are planning to attack their own country.

And that underground train bombing that killed so many people in London last year - this took place at Kings Cross station and a couple other tube stations that I used while studying there 10 years ago. Now, one has to be cautious of Al Qaeda. The world is truly in turmoil.

Now, look at that suicide bombing in Iraq this morning. A man pulls up to an area where Iraqis gather to get "days work", and a crowd of eager recruits gather around his car, then he detonates the car. Many are killed.

What about the fake checkpoint set up by so called insurgents, where American contractors are kidnapped, all of this and the Americans tell us that under Saddam Iraq was worse -

On a happier note, the Windies are playing Pakistan again today - hopefully they improve on the first game, when they suffered a big loss despite a masterful century by Lara. Today's match wil be Shiv's 100th test as well. Good occasion on which to do us proud.

Read where some lucky folks now have a daytime strip club - and the local Bishop is complaining.. oh well..

Enjoy your week... hope its busy enough for you..

US Congress, Cricket, and other general stuff

Windies first: Not nice, losing the final in that way. Not so bad to lose, but 138 all out is really poor. And to think we were forty odd for no loss, then a collapse. However, they recovered from the 80 all out given to us by Sri Lanka to beat India, Australia, South Africa and then make it to the finals, although losing at the finals quite badly - so overall their performance still shows continued strengthening.

A test against Pakistan is about to start, and Bravo just made 109 in a draw against a Pakistan Cricket Board Select XI. So all the best for the Windies in this series. Hope we will have it on TV here.

US Congress: My what an ass-kicking the GOP has received in the US. And the last seat to be won in congress was the one where the losing Republican candidate, George Allen, had called a native American some kind of ethnic slur while on the campaign trail.

What will George do now - ok - Rumphole, I mean Rumsfeld has been forced to leave, but what change will the new regime bring to that travesty of a war in Iraq? Will the Democratic controlled Senate approve Bob Gates as the new Defense Secretary?

What will happen to US prime, and all the other lending rates which influence borrowing and credit even here in the Caribbean?

All will await the answers, as what happens in the US does affect the rest of the world.

Rally round the West Indeeeeees!

Bloggionistas

The Cartoon at right is courtesy of the Jamaica Observer.

Your West Indies Cricket Team, which I blog about ad infinitum to the chagrin of non-cricketing bloggionistas, has done you proud once again.

Chris Gayle, now the top six-hitter in world cricket, was not out with a huge ton and a half.

Jerome Taylor, whose photograph I posted on this here site as being the future of West Indies cricket, was uprooting wickets like there was no tomorrow.

Shaun Pollock, who is rated the number one ODI bowler in the world was hit for six by both Chando and Gayle, who hit him around like a ping pong ball, with disdain.

I disagree with my bloggionista who said that they let us down when they lost against England. I give my commentator the benefit of the doubt in that perhaps he was not aware that England were by then eliminated from the tournament, and are now in England sucking salt through the wooden spoon, as Motty would say.

Now, our team gets to play Australia in the final, who they actually beat in an earlier round.

Congrats to the West Indies, and come what may, they have already batted their way into the final, and for this they deserve credit.

I qualify what I have said in the past about the cynicism of some caribbean people (especially those from the country of my birth) about the Windies is not unique. The English are now becoming the same away about their team.. so that should be proof that such cynicism is misdirected, i.e. there is no need to follow the English slavishly.

******************************************************************

Sad news on the home front, in that there has been a double murder in East End. Before I comment further I will await the disclosure of the names of the deceased and any accused persons. Here is the net news article.

I plan to go to the closing party tonight for the Florida Caribbean Cruise Association conference - hope to drink them out. (Kidding)

Also, Third World tommorrow night - see you there - otherwise, I will drink for you.

Enjoy your weekend - it is here, its Thursday, you know.

Cricket etc.

Well, the Windies are tired of beating up India in ODI's now. And to top it all off, today bashing was done in India, before a crowd of screaming Indian fans.

Mind you, the Windies were a bit shaky at the end, and did not prevail until 3 balls before the end, when Marlon Samuels hit a strange looking four down to third man.

Lara was obviously still playing with his back injury, and was dismissed awkwardly with a very silly shot, and I think he was in pain and could do not better.

Windies are now through to the semis, even though they still have another match in this round, against the limies, oops, I am sorry, I mean England, on Sunday.

So, for all of you non-cricketing bloggionistas, enjoy your weekend, party hard, play hard, but play safely.

Blog you later.

Weekend round up

NFL: Usual Sunday slate of games, I watched 2. I saw Dallas and Philly, and also pieces of Pittsburgh San Diego.

In that Philly game, all eyes were on T.O., now playing for Dallas and in that game playing against his former team.

Turned out the T.O.'s quarterback, veteran Drew Bledsoe, was not up to the task. He was intercepted, sacked, hit and hurried several times. The sharpshooter on the Philly team, however Donovan McNab, was on target. The most amazing play was the 102 yard interception TD return from one end zone to the another.

Cricket: I see where the Windies beat up on Zimbabwe - well, Zimbabwe must be used to it by now.

Trafigura Scandal in Jamaica:

Now, this is amazing. The government has gone ahead and accepted so called a "Donation" from a company with which it has a commercial agreement. And the ministers find this 100% acceptable, and had no intention of disclosing it.

And it took a disclosure which was probably illegal to expose it. And sympathisers of the government are focussing on the illegality of the disclosure, because, I assume, they thing that bank secrecy should protect illegitimate transactions. And the minister who was forced to resign had said that the funds were a donation when the donor said it was not. And the Chairman of the party originally said that the acceptance was perfectly acceptable and the allegations being made were spurious! And now, the prime minister has ordered the return of the funds.

The saga continues, because some folks allege that the opposition party was a party to breaches of the Banking Act, and would like their necks too! Somehow, I believe the opposition are happy to accept the risk of that, although they are probably confident that they did not act illegally.

I am sure you will see the news as it develops.

I hope you enjoyed your weekend, we had a wet one here, there is a large weather system which is actually still here today.

Scandal etc

Man, that whole Mark Foley scandal really smells rotten.

And it is notable that the Republican party in the US has always held themselves out as being a paragon of virtue, and that all sickos resided within their opponents, the democrats.

And what about this foley sicko: Did he not need rehab until the whole thing blew up? I had 4 Heinekens last night. Does that qualify me for rehab? Did Foley suddenly become alcoholic, gay and a pedophile this week? Amazing.

And the Republican party members have triggered survival mode. Each man for himself. A third republican has now said that the House Speaker new all about the thing for a while now. And Good old George went on TV and professed his confidence in "Denny" Hastert, as he referred to him lovingly. Will "Denny" come out unscathed?

And what about all of these school shootings? Including one in an Amish school! How horrid. Read here.

Anyway, that is American stuff - maybe some of my American Bloggisaries can enlighten me, I only read and watch the media.

On a much lighter note, and to pay tribute to my bloggionista/soccer star

Congrats to the Lionesses to an impressive indoor football victory last Friday night. She might not like it, but I can let you not that Afro scored a goal, and please check her blog out.

Dah wah yu get.

In the last hour or so, I had 2 "children say the funniest things" moments.

I went to my son's school to catch the last half-hour of his weekly soccer.

As I approached, one of the kids said "its a throw in, you idiot!" quite loudly, and I thought, what a rude little !@$%%^...

Then, I came home and checked my email. Here is what I received:



A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him b..tch".

Bloggage

Hope your weekend was enjoyable, and if not, here's wishing you a good week to come, whether you work, study, idle, or any combinations thereof.

Passed thru a bar operated by a friend of mine last night. He has reopened it for the first time since Hurricane Ivan. He was a seaman in his young days, and the bar is decked out (no pun intended) with maritime artifacts, including a propeller, a search light, a captains clock, a barometer, and other pieces of equipment that honestly, I need to ask him what those are.

The bar counter is made in the shape of the bow of a ship, and over the bottles of liquor is a replica of a bridge of a ship, trimmed with Caymanian made rope.

There is a pool (billiards) room, with 2 pool tables. There are several pieces of work in the bar to be complete, but I like it, and it is certainly off the 'trendy' circuit. This place is really a bar among bars. A couple of hispanic bombas working behind the bar as per the usual local routine. Having imbibed several Heinekens, I had a shot of 1800 tequila. It was nice.

After that stop, I went to a new restaurant opened by my clients. It is located in a shopping centre on Seven Mile Beach. On Friday, I attended a private luncheon (free, as well) put on by the owners to give the kitchen, the bar and the servers a trial run. Sitting with me there was the head chef at Cayman's brand new Margaritaville. He was the chef at Margaritaville Negril, before. He is new to Cayman, but is being well taken care of by several of my friends/clients.

Lastly, look at this humourous quote from Ja'can columnist and pollster Mark Wignall - I think its wonderful in terms of its humour, although serious in some of its implications.

"Teen girls quickly learn that the use and unveiling of their sexual organ far outweigh anything that the head can think up. And the men around these girls are always there to remind them of its importance. As the lack of education grips these communities, the sex becomes the bargaining tool among young women."Mi run up a marathon pon a gal man last night," said one woman to a dancehall channel cameraman recently. Now imagine if that man referred to was 'suffering' from a sex strike on the home front. Some suffering indeed.
No sane inner-city young woman expects her boyfriend, live-in or not, to be sexually active solely with her. Such a man is a rarity and is considered 'saaf'. The whole dancehall culture, which is deeply embedded in the ghetto, is centred around 'nuff' sex, male promiscuity, female availability and male sex-power.
When the man 'steps out' in the evening, probably after holding up at gunpoint a few people outside the community the day before, he steps out in style, dollars in his pocket, expecting that something new will be available.
If this 'something new' doesn't happen, there is always the live-in to fall back on. The man therefore learns that sex is available in and out, and the young woman outside who is poorly educated and broke, pats herself at the spot, looks down and speaks to it, 'We a go look a food later'."

War in the East, War in the West

So sang Bob - in another of his prophetic pieces.

The new government in Iraq aint kidding. The Associated Press' headline is that Iraq is assuming military control from the US led forces. Never mind the 27 detainees who are being executed having been convicted of various heinous offences, they are just a footnote.

Such is the insensitivity of war. The issue is about who is running Iraq. All else is secondary. God help them.

And having invaded Afghanistan, and Iraq, good old George is salivating at the thought of Iran.

I thought George Sr. was a warmonger. His son mek im look like Barbie Doll.


On a lighter note, isn't Tiger Woods something! 5 straight titles. And on the penultimate day, Vijay was sailing towards victory in the Deutche Bank Championship. Amazing. Read it here.

Against my better judgment, but in view of difficult times, I have been doing some court work lately. Hopefully this will be a temporary measure, while my other transactional work develops - Court aint pretty. And in the criminal court its the same old goons doing the same burglaries, drugs, violence, etc.

Enjoy your weekend, folks, and hopefully I will post again early next week, unless, driven by some sudden and temporary loss of control, I do a weekend post.

Adios.

Weekend, folks, live it large.

Folks

Hope you take your weekend seriously and make the most of it, even if that means hitting the sack and catching some long postponed z's.

Some of my Bloggionistas from yard made mention of the yard born now turned English cleric, who was preaching a bunch of rhetoric in London which landed him in jail, and now he has been deported to Jamaica, having lived in London for 22 years. Here is the Gleaner article. Note the part about him encouraging the London bombers. Not nice at all. He will still be a muslim when he gets here, but one supposes that he won't have as much Governmental pro-American sentiment to preach about, as he would have in England.. I don't know, maybe he will have to preach about Chavez..

Interesting writeup in the NY Times about India's expanding economy, and its population which will exceed that of China's in a few decades. here it is .

We have quite a few hundred Indians here - the majority from the Island of Goa, the majority working as chefs and security guards. A bit of rumours/scandal spreading about them at the moment, because their families pay huge sums to employment "agents" in India (more like loan sharks really), in default of which serious harm befalls either the relevant overseas worker or their families in India. This came to light following the attack of one of the guards whilst on duty here, and then his subsequent demise by a reported "suicide".

Here's hoping you have a wonderful weekend - I am starting by staying home with my boys whilst the Mrs. goes out tonight !

Sayonara.

First World Cricket hypocrisy

When I am not in full focus on bodacious babes , I fancy a good game of cricket.

The NFL pre-season has started, but I have not yet watched a full game. Hopefully when the season begins in earnest I will be ready to go.

But, back to cricket, here is an article by Mikey Holding, for those of you who are cricket afficionados. Finally, someone has spoken up about the double standards employed by the 'cricketing establishment'.

Amazingly, I have not seen a single article or read a single report in which Darrel Hair, the Australian umpire in the middle of the controversy, sets out which Pakistani player tampered with the ball, and what are the particulars of such tampering. He really needs to quit, and I believe by his offer to do so (along with a payment) he has admitted wrongdoing. He must go, in my view.

It seems it is no coincidence that he was the same umpire who cited Murali in 1996 for throwing. Believe me, when England, in particular, see Murali grinning, they go dizzy with fright.

They can stand when Murali tears them apart with his spin, which is better than Shane Warne's, despite the stats.

Here, is another example of the snotty behaviour of the 'cricket establishment'. Australia has asked for the umpires at the Ashes to be local. Seems to me they want no Asians or West Indians - What do you think?

Look at cricketing in South Africa, Australia & New Zealand. The instances of indigenous persons playing for those nations have been few. This is not purely because their previous colonisers introduced the game.

Do you think it was a coincidence that Ntini, the first Black African to play for South Africa, was wrongfully convicted, then acquitted of rape?

Amazing, the amount of 'politics' in cricket. One could go on for ages.

Bloggage

Firstly, for those of you who were taken aback by the photograph displayed on my last post, I come before you with a contrite heart, having properly recognised the error of my ways. In order to make amends, I have instead posted another hi5 bomba with a view to my rehabilitation to your good books, or as I heard a pompous lawyer say recently, hopefully this will return me to "good stead".

I stole on this occasion those words in quotes (above) from an email between me and a few of my former colleagues in this here much vaunted legal profession.

One of those dear counsel was saying that "at my firm salary reviews are imminent, and all are waiting in anticipation of a windfall. In a forthcoming issue of Legal Global (I have used a fictitious publication name to protect the guilty) I have been featured, which should stand me in good stead (for promotion).

Since I left the law firm world, I had begun to forget how pretentious and silly that whole world is. And to think I once worked in such environs. If I go back to work at a large law firm, please feel free to shoot me - because if you don't, you surely will when I start using self serving, flowery language like "stand me in good stead".

To close, please contemplate the assets of this young bomba featured above. Please attempt to complete the review of the text of this post prior to fixating on the bad gyal.

Enjoy the rest of your week, and I look forward to your comments, especially on whether you were able to complete the reading of the text without looking at her.

Peace.

Hey bloggionistas, wha ya dealin wid?

Folks, my last post, as you can see was very brief. (Please complete the reading of this post, if you can, before fixating on the animal shown at left). As I type this one, each word is being thought out. God only knows what to say these days. This one will only be a quickie as well. What can I say, a quickie is better than none (not with the lady shown of course, more time and energy would be appropriate for that).

I see where some poor 60 year old lady caused United Airlines to make an unscheduled stop, and Uncle Sam pulled no punches, locked the lady up, escorted the plane down with F-16 fighters, deplaned all pasajeros, put all luggage on the ramp, bomb sniffing dogs, and the Lord only knows what else. Have mercy.

Call it old age, call it what you may, but I am now getting into my gardening, folks. Feel free to reserve my spot in the nursing home, or at least order some drugs for senility.

Lastly, in case you missed her, please feast your eyes on the hottie I saw on hi5 earlier today. All things bright and beautiful, the Lord God made them all.

Amen.

Tings a gwaan (Jamaican) but i na know wha it is (Caymanian)

Folks - I trust you are all doing well, and if not, here's hoping that matters will improve.

On cricket, I noticed that Murali and the rest of the Sri Lankans have whitewashed South Africa, thank goodness for that -

On cycling, I do not know what to make of the Landis scandal, as all parties concerned are claiming propriety

On athletics, it seems Asafa may soon regain his sole domination of sprinting excellence, and Gatlin and his coach might be disgraced -

On Jamaican independence, happy independence to those who were celebrating it -

and lastly but not least - RIP Miss Lou, and Walk good -

Toll Booth drama in Jamrock

The following is courtesy of www.caribbeannews.com


Toll Booth Collector In Jamaica
You have probably heard that they will be putting toll booths on parts of Highway 2000 in JA. This is probably what the first day will be like:

Toll Booth Collector: Morning sir, the toll will be $55.

Skinny the Taximan: $55 unda yuh Mumma! Yuh know how long mi a drive pon dis yah road yah and now oonu want come charge man fi drive pon we owna road. Is kill oonu want kill off
poor people! Mi naw pay dat!

TB Collector: Sir, you don't have a choice, please pay the toll or I'll be forced to call the officer standing right over there.

Skinny: Which officer yuh a talk bout? Weh part him deh?

TB Collector: Yuh see the officer standing over there with the gold-teeth, the dark glasses, the bend-up face, and the M-16? Yes dat same one?

Skinny: Awhoah. A just choo mi car overload and mi nuh want di ugly police bwoy come say nuttn to mi ennuh. Otherwise mi >wouldn't pay yuh a cent. Oonu is ole tief and ole vampire come fi suck out poor people blood.

TB Collector: Next!

Rambo the Minivan Driver: Excuse mi Mam, but mi nuh really understand this whole toll ting yah ennuh. Is why we haffi a pay toll when wi done arready pay motor vehicles taxes and all kinda other taxes?

TB Collector: I cant really answer that question for you sir. Please send a letter to your MP or Councillor and let them deal with that...in the meantime yuh need to pay the toll of $165.

Rambo: But what a gal facety doah eeh? Old country tuff face >gal, mi was just asking yuh a simple question. Yuh Mumma never teach yuh how fi chat to people? But a wonder a who dis likkle dry up gal a come tek fi likkle bwoy doah sah? If a wasn't in a good mood dis mawning yuh see...

TB Collector: Sir are you going to pay the toll or should I call Office Trigger Happy to come talk to you?

Rambo: (Throws the money at her) See di money deh!! Nyam it! Yuh face bend up like backa hog!

Passengers in the Minivan: (Gal go s**k yuh Mumma!)(Go jooce yuh Puppa)(Batti gal doan come a Spanish Town mek mi see yuh!)(Old lesbian!)

TB Collector: Next!

Kenny Smooth, the Escalade Driver: Hey baby...yuh like my car?

TB Collector: That's a large SUV, okay sir the toll on that will be $110.

Kenny: Is how yuh a mek it look a way so baby? Talk to mi Sweetie. What time yuh get off, I could wait for yuh and take you for a spin in the Escalade here. Yeah, mi see di likkle smile a creep up pon yuh face. Smile man, mi know yuh want smile! Talk di truth, you've been dying to ride in one of these nuh true? It have nuff leg room for your nice long sexy legs. Comfortable leather seats and a banging 5-CD stereo system!

TB Collector: (Smiling) Listen to me, your mouth is too sweet. Is so yuh lyrics off every woman yuh meet, nuh true? Anway, mi coulda never talk to yuh sound too girly, girly. Plus is 8:00 o'clock ina di morning and I don't get off 'til 4:00 this evening.

Kenny: (flashing his smile, gold teeth everywhere) Arright, then I'll come back round about 4:00 come pick yuh up, seen!

TB Collector: I don't know...I'll see, why don't yuh give me your cell number and I'll call.

Kenny: Listen, my cell is in the cellshop and them nuh get di parts from farin yet, you gimme your number. (She writes the number on a piece of paper)

TB Collector: Look di people dem blowing dem horn, so yuh have to pay di toll and gwan through.

Kenny: Do mi a favor nuh...yuh can pay di toll fi mi and when mi come back fi pick yuh up later mi pay yuh back. Mi have one Nanny and mi nuh want bruk it.

TB Collector: But see yah...then is how yuh a drive big Jeep and nuh have no money. (Grabs her phone number back from his hand.) Look here likkle bruk pocket bwoy, try go carry back people vehicle go gi dem and pay di da-mn toll and galong bout yuh business. Pauperizing no r**s!

TB Collector: Next!

Uncle Hector the Tractor Trailer Driver: (Blowing his truck horns at Kenny in front of him) CRATCHES! Pis-sn tail cratches! Stop look front from di money collector woman and hurry up and galong through di blasted toll booth. Man deh pon borrow time right yah now. Move man! Move!

TB Collector: Thank you sir. That will be $165 for the big rig. Uncle Hector: (Managing to pull his eyes away from the womans breast) Yuh is a nice looking lady yuh know. Back ina my prime I would love to runkus a woman like you. (Grins, showing his 4 remaining brown tobacco-stained teeth.)

TB Collector: Thanks for the compliment, but I only date men who were born in this century and have all a dem teeth!

TB Collector: Next!

Prudence the Business Executive: (pulling up in her Benz) Excuse me! Am I to understand that there is a different weight class and corresponding toll for each vehicle, and if so are there any exceptions been made for luxury cars such as mine? 'Cause you know I have traveled the world, and the toll system in other countries...

TB Collector: Look here Ms. Word Traveler, di da-mn toll is $55 fi yuh cyar. If yuh too bruk fi pay it mi undastan. Cause some a oonu when oonu start get old and oonu cratches start dryup, and man stop mind oonu, oonu still a gwaan like oonu all dat

Prudence: Well, I never! How rude! Do you know who my husband is?

TB Collector: Probably one a di man dem who a pick up wh-ore a town and carry dem a motel a Portmore go ketch gonorrhea...when yuh feeling yuh strange itching and scratching and yuh get stressed out doan come tek it out pon people out a road! Go tek it put pon yuh husband! Fifty-five dollars please, yuh holding up di line! Thanks!

TB Collector: Next! Oliver, the Village Idiot: (Walking up to the toll booth). Is oomuch fi pay fi walk through di gate Mam?

TB Collector: Oliver, you don't have to pay to walk through, but be careful walking on the highway and nuh mek none a dem mad driver yah lick yuh wid dem vehicle. Okay!

Feisty rass claat parrot

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat and is surprised to find a large purple parrot occupying the seat next to him. The aircraft takes off and shortly thereafter a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate. "Hey, bitch," says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!"
The Flight Attendant looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again: "You lazy bum, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!"
Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink.
Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself. "Hey, bitch," says the man, "get me a dry martini and don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now!"
The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. A moment later, she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants. The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet.
As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man: "Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."

France vs. Italy

Billions will watch with anticipation on Sunday, as football Giants France and Italy battle for the World Cup.

In my predictions during Germany '06, I was was wrong on Argentina vs. Germany, and on Brazil v France.

Should I stick my neck out one more time. Hell yes. Nothing to lose, not even ego.

France, I think will relieve the Chianti warriors from any bother of taking that cup back to Rome, or Milan or wherever they were thinking of.

Lets see if that is right.

Who do you like? Don't worry if your favorites are already out. Join the club, my faves, Brazil, are out, and they are still my number 1.

Comment with your votes - France or Italy?